Monday, January 14, 2008

I will not!


"smile" - Why do people say to others "smile"? Do they think that the other person simply forgot, and that with a simple reminder, the other person will be grateful for having been reminded? Are they so demanding that everyone has to conform to their wishes to at least pretend to be blissfully happy, whether or not the person feels that way? What if the person doesn't feel like smiling? Perhaps it's not a bad day or a good day, but just a day. There are lots of those. Ordinary. Normal. No need to frown, but no need to be smiling all the time. People tend to be wary of others with a constant smile pasted on their face for no apparent reason anyway. Why can't someone just be neutral, non-emotional? Or maybe someone is having a bad day. Maybe they have a headache. Or maybe they had a fight with their spouse. Or maybe their pet died. Or maybe worse. Would telling them to smile help? Or would it be putting them through more stress by insisting that they put on this facade, because some people apparently can't handle it if others aren't smiling constantly? Even if the intentions are good, and unless someone's picture is being taken, PEOPLE SHOULD STOP TELLING OTHERS TO SMILE FOR NO APPARENT REASON!!!!!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I wildly enjoyed this


THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE (author unknown)

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca -last name deleted, and Jim - last name deleted.

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STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

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(second paragraph by Jim)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17", he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

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(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed hurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

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(Jim)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

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(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

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(Jim)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

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(Rebecca)

Ass hole.

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(Jim)

Bitch.

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(Rebecca)

Wanker.

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(Jim)

Slut.

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(Rebecca)

Get f*cked.

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(Jim)

Eat sh*t.

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(Rebecca)

F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

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(Jim)

Go drink some tea - whore.

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(teacher)

A+ - I really liked this one.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

A peek into my little mind


As if the things that go through my mind during the day aren't weird enough, here are a few of my dreams:
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Reoccurring throughout childhood:

I am living with my family. The Abominable Snowman comes to our house, throws us out, and starts living there. Luckily I have my My little Pony friends to keep me safe. We sit on the hill above the house and spy on the Snowman. When we think its safe we sneak down and rescue the family cats one at a time so that he won't eat them. One time he catches us and makes us chop his firewood! This is very difficult because the ponies dont really have hands, and I'm too little to really lift the ax. Finally we take the ax and chase him out of the house and reclaim it. During this whole time my parents have been gone somewhere. I hear my mom's car pulling into the driveway and I run outside to greet her. As I arrive at the car, my mom opens the door, and there in two matching car seats are...... wait for it..... 2 toddler Abominable Snowbabies. Then I wake up.

I seriously had this dream (at the time it seemed like a nightmare) at least 10 times as a child.

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Last night:

I went to visit my friend Danielle in Eugene OR, but got lost in Florida on the way so it took forever to get there.
When I did, she had like 7 little hippie children that she had "forgot" to tell me about. So, we decided to go out drinking (and apparently leave the mob of kids at home?!?) but she thought I was probably hungry from my trip to her house (after all I did wind up in FL somehow...) so she decided to cook dinner first.
She was living in this teeney tiny studio apartment and had this little mini stove that was about 2 feet tall. She started making mashed potatoes like no one's business. After few batches she randomly had another baby and put it in a laundry basket on top of the tv (the only free space). Whenever we would finish eating the potatoes, more would appear. After eating for awhile, we got all huge like the blueberry girl on Willy Wonka.
We eventually got full (or couldn't grow any more?) so the kids had to push us out the door. We rolled our way to the bar, but they wouldn't let us in! We got all angry and started bouncing on the ground (like beach balls) trying to knock the bar down. Then I woke up.

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There are many many more. I will look through my old blogs and journal entries and post them as I find them.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Winter vs. Fall

Wow, 2 blogs in one day I am off running with this whole blogspot thing! So, I was organizing my photo folders and when I got to the Yosemite pics I was once again struck with awe of how beautiful it is. I honestly love looking at my Yosemite pics more than Hawaii, Panama, Bora Bora, ANYWHERE else I have been! The amazing thing is how absolutely different it looks depending on the season. These are winter and fall pics compiled from the last 3 trips.