Monday, September 12, 2011

On Second pregnancies.

This second pregnancy (well third if you count the baby we lost at 11 weeks), has been so different than when I was pregnant with Marshall. Sadly, I already feel like Miller is getting the short end of the stick.

Last time I knew exactly how many weeks and days pregnant I was, knew if he was the size of an heirloom tomato or a banana, when his different organs and reflexes were developing, plus remembered to take belly pictures, and counted how many grams of protein I ate per day. I had a laid back, easy pregnancy, but I was really in tune with my body and did so much reading and focusing on the pregnancy itself.

This time.... I have to do some quick math in my head whenever anyone asks me how far along I am (and I'm usually wrong), have only taken ONE belly shot, and havent written down any of the statistics from any of our midwife apts. If I have some time to myself (ha ha ha), there is no way I'm spending it reading birthing statistics and midwifery texts. You'll probably find me curled up in bed with my laptop watching Arms Wives. My days are spent chasing after a toddler, I do a lot of solo parenting, and lets face it, I just don't feel like I have a lot of spare time to invest in somebody who isn't right in front of my face asking for attention, snacks or stories! 

I had a long labor with a posterior baby after not sleeping for pretty much 36 hours and still managed to have the natural homebirth that we wanted. We faced just about every breastfeeding challenge there was and still persevered. So I guess I just don't feel the need to study and prepare this time around.

As bad and uncaring as that all sounds, I honestly feel like I am way MORE excited about this baby than I was about Marshall. With Marshall, I was of course excited to meet him but I really didn't understand what it would be like to be a mother or a family and how much he would enrich our lives.  So I micromanaged and focused on the pregnancy, the birth, the nursery, picking out all the right baby things, newborn procedures, but the idea of the actual baby coming was kind of abstract. 

This time, I know we already have everything we need and I know I can survive labor and birth. But the baby itself is something I'm really really looking forward to. When you have a baby everyone (EVERYONE) tells you to enjoy it because the time goes by so fast, and it is so true. I can't wait to experience all those adorable "firsts" again. First smile, first laugh, first time rolling over, how excited they get when they master new milestones. To hold a snuggly little newborn, see the faces they make when sleeping, and listen to the grunting little sounds they make. 

Having Marshall has made me and Jerad's lives so much better, and so much fuller. I can't wait to be doing it all again! Newborns and toddlers are both so fun and so amazing in their own ways, I'm really excited that we get to be experiencing them both at the same time.


KelBel said...

When did you lose a baby at 11 weeks? Before Marshall or after? What was the reason?

Steph said...

About 2.5 years before Marshall was born. The baby just stopped developing around 8 weeks and it was confirmed at an 11 wk ultrasound. I ended up passing the baby naturally a few weeks after that.

It actually ended up being a huge blessing and completely changed my views on pregnancy and birth and even nutrition and our lifestyle. I coped by spending the next 2 years reading EVERYTHING I could about pregnancy, natural birth, statistics... Jerad always joked that I was more up to date than our midwives:) It was great because we had years of figuring out exactly what we wanted for pregnancy, birth, and our baby instead of trying to cram all that knowledge into a few months. We started eating and living totally differently.

Somehow I became way more laid back and was less stressed being pregnant with Marshall even though I'd lost a baby. I think if that pregnancy had panned out, our lives would have turned out very different:)

Paige said...

Seriously excited about toothless kisses this time around, and Jon keeps saying he is excited to be able to cuddle with something that can't get away!