I'd like to think that normally our arguments are pretty productive. We both say what is on our mind, and clarify what we think the other person is saying. We are good at separating the actual issue from off the wall feelings that dont really have anything to do with what we are talking about. We don't say hurtful things to tear each other down. Then every now and then there is one of those ridiculous arguments that really isn't based on anything, thus really can't be resolved.
Anyways, since those fights are so few and far between I like to post them for your blog reading enjoyment... and so maybe you can feel better/more normal/healthy about your own relationship... I dunno. And before you get your panties all in a twist, Jerad reads all of my blogs, so I'm not bashing him behind his back or anything. He knows he's an idiot. Okay, moving on.
The back story; if you have been following along you will recall that we have been remodeling the back of our house (and by recall I mean I have burned it into your head with my thousands of pictures and updates), and that Jerad joined a men's softball league... Oh wait, I don't think I mentioned that... anyways he really has been wanting to play softball, his job has a team, and he was going to play the last game of the season with them on Thursday. It is a late game on thursday so he planned to still work a few hours on the bathroom first which didn't happen. Then Friday he didn't do anything either. Saturday rolls around which was my dad's birthday and the day my family was celebrating father's day and they canceled it (without us asking) because this was the last weekend that we had to get our remodel stuff done because Jerad is going to be our of town, then we were planning on starting a big fence/retaining wall project, remodeling our rental house, and then have weekend after weekend of company who will obviously need the guest bathroom and guestroom cleaned up .
Then our neighbor came over and told Jerad that we needed to start our huge fence/retaining wall project this week. So... we really needed to get everything wrapped up this weekend. (I'm getting to the point, really) On Saturday I was kinda bummed about my family rearranging their lives to accommodate me, but, also really excited about finally wrapping up the chaos that has become my life. Jerad had outlined this plan about what all he was going to get done, and my brother in law was going to come over as soon as he finished working on his car in the morning...
Well, Saturday can be summed up by saying not too much not much got done. The hardy backer got laid on the bathroom floor before Larry got there.. The tiny bathroom floor. I think Jerad was kind of waiting around for Larry to get there or something, and he didn't get there till 2... I dunno... then once Larry got there they cut and mapped out the tile and made a Home Depot run. From Home Depot I get a call that they need three more tiles and want to go to SLO to get them. Hmm, drive an hour and a half round trip and spend $15 worth of gas to get $3.30 worth of tiles? I vetoed the idea and said just do it later when he is tiling the shower since the grout is the same color anyways... besides, Melinda was waiting to go to dinner. So, larry leaves and Jerad lays the tile and sets the fence posts (in the dark) and finishes about 11PM. The plan before was to do all of that, plus load his truck and go to the dump and be done with everything in time for us to go to the beach. Yeah, almost the same thing... hmm.
Sunday rolls around and I'm dreading a repeat of Saturday so I make us get out of bed early so we can get the outside work done before it gets too hot. I spend about an hour going through our back
About this time I mention that when Jerad paints the wooden posts for the fence white (the fence is plastic and doesn't need to be painted, but the posts are wooden and will need to be), he should paint the pickets for the other dog fence right around the corner white to match. I think there are like 7 pickets... so, not a big deal.
He automatically retorts back with "Um, you mean when YOU paint it." In this really mean voice that he never talks to me in. And up until that second we had been happily chatting away, so it kind of shocked me.
I am definitely the sassier one of the two of us and do not respond well to being snapped at. Especially if I feel that I don't deserve it. I told him "No, I meant when you painted it just like I said. I'm leaving soon for a baby shower."
His response: "Well, I'm a little busy with a f-ing remodel."
Oh no you didn't just curse at me when you are mad... that is the other thing we do.not.do. Because it just elevates the situation and makes the other person angry.
By this point I am pissed and thinking he is a jerk and bitter that I have spent the morning doing all the jobs that I know he would have hated to do and he is acting like this. I continue to look down at the flowers that I am planting and say (trying to sound passive) "well, maybe you wouldn't be so stressed out if you didn't wait to do everything till the last minute." Okay yes I knew that wasn't going to diffuse anything.
"What do you mean wait to do everything till the last minute?!?!?"
"Well, I have been telling you for weeks that this was our last big weekend to get everything done and there have been lots of days where you have wanted to stop early, or skip a day, then Thursday and Friday NOTHING got done and now its Sunday and there is still stuff that you wanted to get done yesterday that isn't finished, which is fine but don't start bitching at me about it. If you want to procrastinate, you aren't allowed to also be stressed. If we are going to get done on time we need to really haul ass today."
"We really need to haul ass?"
I'm.going.to.kill.him. "Okay... no I am not building a new bathroom BUT I have been taking care of ALL the errands, grocery shopping, meal prep, gardening, getting you the help you need, um PAYING FOR EVERYTHING, keeping the house as clean as I can with all of this, and doing the stuff that I can like grouting and..."
Right about this time I hear a big crash and turn around to see the garden waste can knocked over onto the lawn. The lawn that I spent all morning cleaning. The bark chips that I spent 45 minutes shoveling. Thats right, he knocked it over. Not in a scary "I'm a domestic abuser" way, in a "hi, I'm 7 and don't want to hear you any more kind of way."
Him: "What? Do you know how heavy that thing is?" (he had been trying to move it so he could install the gate... and no I do not think for one second it was an 'accident')
Me: "YES. YES I KNOW HOW HEAVY IT IS I SHOVELED EVERYTHING IN THERE SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO."
Him: "Well You shouldn't have put the heavy stuff on the top."
Me: "What? I should have taken the leaves out of the bottom?!?! YOU are acting like a 5 year old. I can't believe you just did that."
At that point he stomped off (also like a 5 year old). Over the next two hours he did not speak one word to me. I kid you not. Not a word. So I figured fine, if he doesn't talk to me I guess it means he can't ask me to help him load his truck with all the lumber crap that need to go to the dump. I'll just "forget." Yes people, I am that mature.
Since we never have these little no speaking standoff's, I was determined to win. Then it started approaching the time I needed to leave for the baby shower I was going to. I felt a pang of guilt that he was working outside in the heat and hadn't eaten anything yet so I decided (out of the depths of my heart) to make him a sandwich. So, I did that and put it on a plate with a bottle of water. Should I get him a pickle too? Crap I can't open the jar. Mmmmm. Pickles. I loves me some pickles. I ended up being the first one to crack and asked him to open the jar. He saw he sandwich on the plate and asked wide eyed, "is that.... for me?" I think that kind of warmed him up a little. And, really I won (because in these immature situations yes that is what it is all about) because I was the nice one first.
When I got back from the shower no he hadn't gone to the dump (the brainiac forgot his checkbook and they don't take cards), but the back yard was all cleaned up and the fence was finished. And he was folding laundry (this never, ever, ever, EVER happens without me hinting, asking, begging, forcing) then cleaned the kitchen and worked on the bathroom walls.
So, I guess it worked out in the end.
Really what I learned from all this was:
1) Softball brings out the evil in people, and
2) Damn the pickles.