Monday, July 21, 2008

Excuses to leave work early

I was reviewing what searches brought most people to my blog. Besides the funny random ones like "junk in the trunk butts" and "can cats float" there were two that came up over and over again.

One is different variations of "Phototbucket Survey" which takes people to this post.

The other is "excuses to leave work early" or some variation (interestingly enough mostly from people in the uk, those lazies) which takes people to this post. No doubt they are sorely disappointed, so since apparently so many people are searching for this, I thought I would offer my 2 cents.

The trick is to not over use any one excuse, and to spread out the skipping out early as to not raise suspicion.

*If you are a woman, just say something really vague that eludes to a "female issue." No one wants to know anything more.

*Make up something really gross about your cat and just blab on and on about it matter-of-factly. "I need to leave at 3 today for a vet appointment. Mr. Whiskers has a bowel obstruction and lately blah blah blah..."

*Picking up a friend from the Airport.

*Doctor's appointment (make it with some kind of specialist because they usually have limited hours and only on certain hours so it is pretty feasible you would have to make the appointment during the week)

*Taking your grandma/great aunt/great great uncle to the neurologist/cardiologist/podiatrist.

*Meeting your landlord for a inspection.

*Meeting a cable/satelight/cable internet repair/installation person

Okay, thats all I've got for now. Like I said, the key is to not overuse anything and to not say things that people KNOW are excuses "headache," "not feeling well," "need to study," that kind of thing. Also give just enough details to be believable and/or creep the person out or make them feel sorry for you. You get super bonus points if you have to leave work for something you would detest. Like taking Mr. Whiskers to have his bowel obstruction cleared. Then when you come in the next day make sure you bitch about how much it cost.


Melinda Hart said...

Oh, so like today when I need to leave early to go to Home Depot I should say what exactly? My imaginary cat has explosive diarrhea? Or my grandma is constipated? Or I need to go to Home Depot? I'm not a very good liar....

Steph said...

hmm, tough one. your boss is chill, so you could just tell her you're going to Home Depot. OR... since you're moving, go with meeting an installation person of some sort.

Also, since your house has a cat door, you should obviously adopt a fake cat ASAP. This will come in handy in all sorts of situations. Needing to leave work, the in laws, whatev. And if they are at your house and want to see it, it is just outside somewhere and doesn't like strangers. We'll catch one of the neighbor's cats and take a pic of you holding it in front of your house.

I'm on it!

Melinda Hart said...

OMG I love it! It is perfect because I am even awful enough to pretend like it got run-over if a terrible enough need arose. It would be the perfect "out" but I wouldn't actually be sad and no cats would actually be dead. It is wonderful.

Now if only I get some rental kids to make the grandmas happy...

Steph said...

Seriously, how funny would that be?!? and you could TOTALLY pull it off. Heck, we have 3 cats but you only ever see 2 if you visit. And the cat door would explain why you don't have a litter box... its a mostly outdoor cat. Just nab a cat, take a quick pic, frame it and put it on your desk and post it on myspace.

Oh man how funny! I can't even tell you how much work I have (all joking aside) actually had to miss for my cats vet escapades.

AGSoccerMom said...

Damn I so missed these excuses and I have a fricken cat. LOL, thou I love to use the female just freaks men out.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Thanks for the reminder at the end. No doubt I would have come into work the next day and answered someone with, "what bowel obstruction?".